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We had been looking forward to our trip to St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands to attend my husband’s son’s wedding. For the last 6 months, we had been shopping for clothes, crawling the web for information on what to do and just having fun with all the anticipation. Finally, the day came. Off we went to the islands. It was everything we imagined. Tropical flowers, beautiful beaches, a very gracious staff, and all the yummy drinksyou could guzzle down were included in the price of your room. Looking back, that may not have ben such a good idea!! The evening of the wedding was perfect. A warm, tropical breeze blew over us as we stood on the beach, watching the young couple exchange their vows. It just so happened that on this particular night, the hotel holds what they call Carnival Night.
This is where people from all over the island come to enjoy a buffet supper and very loud calypso music. I included the loud part because it had a lot to do with what followed. The wedding reception was held poolside. We, of course, being the party of honor, had a huge, long table set up right by the pool and it was covered in beautiful flowers, leis and of course, the wedding cake. Remember that part about free drinks? OK, I admit it, those frozen drinks kind of sneak up on you after four or five of them.!! At any rate, dinner was wonderful and a good time was had by all. A very good time. In fact, I would dare to say, an EXTREMELY good time! The band was now playing calypso music quite loudly so we had to yell to be heard over the band and the fun loving crowd. Before I go on to describe my humiliation, let me tell you how I was dressdd. I had a very low cut, sleeveless vest on with a matching long skirt. My hair was up on top of my head and completely covered in tropical flowers. Oh yes, I imagined myself quite the tropical diva that night. My husband, Earl was sitting to my right and as always, was very attentive to my every need. He was also attempting to capture all the special moments on our video camera. I was yelling across the table to my step daughter asking her something when I heard a voice on my right inquiring, "Do you need anything?" Thinking how sweet Earl is to be so attentive, and feeling quite friendly, I turned to him, lowered my eyes to halfway, made my lips very pouty and said "yes. I need something", His reply was "What do you need?" I pointed to my imagined pouty lips and said "I need a kiss right here big boy" in my best mae West imitation. I heard a glass slammed down to the table on my right and scurrying feet behind me. Then, I heard Earl laughing. Across the table.
Oh no! Unbeknownst to me, Earl had gotten up to do some filming and just happened to be pointing the camera at me from across the table as I attempted to seduce our 18 year old waiter. Who, by the way, just happened to not be so crazy about women. That’s right. He played for the other team. He was just offering me a glass of water, the poor thing. As the entire table roared with laughter, he made a fast retreat. My face was now as red as the flowers in my hair. And to make matters worse, it was all caught on film!! My husband later attempted to explain to the young man that I was not a crazy, horny old lady but was blind and, with all the loud noises, mistook him for Earl. He said the young man understood but I notice every time we came anywhere near him, he went in the other direction. Quickly. We are thinking of going back to the same hotel on our anniversary but if we do, I’m wearing dark glasses and changing my hair color first!!